When you go out to buy a New York engagement ring or a wedding ring in New York, there are a few things you should keep in mind. First, they’re expensive, and because it’s New York, it’s even more expensive. So if I were you, I’d buy a plane ticket to Chuathbaluk, Alaska (that’s a real city), grab a hoe, and start mining for your own gold.
When you find enough ore, invest in a furnace and purify it. Do not be tempted to eat the lead byproduct. Then put it in a ring mold and you have your very own free wedding ring. Mine up a diamond and you have a New York engagement ring. Bring it back to New York and it’s your own free New York wedding ring or engagement ring, just like you always wanted.
The only problem is that the plane ticket, the furnace, and the time it would take to find ore sort of blow your profit margins, so you may as well just buy a wedding ring or diamond engagement ring in New York without all the hassle.
To do so, do not go to China Town, as everything there either contains radioactive carcinogenic metals imported illegally from Taiwan, or else smells bad and is marked as food that in all probability will kill you. You could try raiding the Federal Reserve where they have a bunch of gold and diamonds, but we all saw Die Hard With a Vengeance and we know how that one panned out.
Also, when on search for a wedding ring and/or engagement ring and/or diamond in New York, do not head to Central Park or any of the avenues immediately encircling it. You will encounter people with junk merchandise who will attempt to strap you down in a straitjacket and force you to pay them $10 to take your picture and sell it to you, or they’ll just keep you in the straitjacket and sketch you for an hour into a caricature of a mental patient and you’ll have to buy it and put it on your fridge.
So if you really want a good quality New York wedding ring or New York engagement ring, just head to the diamond district on 47th street and call it a day.
And no, I did not eat the lead byproduct.




















